This made me angry.

After posting a long (perhaps too long) comment on Frances Kuffel's blog regarding how I survived my childhood, and how I feel about it, this was the response I recieved:


Laura Nicholson
What I find most amazing about your story, Frances, is that you came out of that ungodly environment "only" addicted to food. I don't mean to say that food addiction isn't serious, just to say that so many people in that type of situation become molestors or drug addicts or whores or criminals. Or dead. It's certainly a twisted logic to think the food saved you, but it did. And that you have had success in your varied careers, in weight loss, in recovering from relapse, in building this community, in friendships, in being a supportive and loving daughter to your parents even to this day, I think testifies to your core strength. Where do we get that strength from? I'd like to think it's from God, from His gifts to us that we aren't even aware of until we desperately need them. But honestly, there are days I don't know where we get the strength to carry through and overcome our pasts. Some days there is no strength and I go back to the familiar comforter, food.

LaQuinn, I agree with you that our childhoods shape us in ways we have no control over. And parents that should have known better have tainted many many kids' lives. This issue is one I struggle with, as I've mentioned before about my parents letting me date a guy 6 years older than me when I was 12. The thing is, my mom was THIRTY - 3 0 - when I was 12. When she was the age I am now (36), I was graduating high school. She had met my dad at age 14. She was (is) emotionally immature and didn't know any better, and did the best she could. That was a revalation to me at one of my recent terapist visits. She did the best she could.

And at this point she went off on how she's a forgiving person as I am not, yadda, yadda, yadda. I wish I had thought to copy it before she deleted that section. Oh, well.

What frightens me is that *I* am going to mess up my kids in ways I have no idea, because I don't know what I don't know, and they will have to spend years in therapy like I have/am. No matter how many parenting books I read, I know I'm going to miss something. It's not even hard yet, they're still babies. My daughter is Miss Drama at age 5... what am I going to do with her at 16?! Love her like crazy, I guess, and stay in her business and not treat her like she is an adult who can take care of herself, like I was allowed to do. And I know that she will have a core strength that will overcome whatever I do to her to screw her up. (Do non-dysfunctional families exist??????)

Vickie, I love the way you are raising your kids. You sound like a wonderful parent. And the great thing is, I bet your kids agree with me.

Andrea K, I can identify with you turning out differently than your sister. Mine is 2 1/2 years younger and completely different from me. I love her, and we are friends now, but she just does not have the same level of introspection that I do. I envy that some times. And then I realize that she's missing out on life at levels she has no idea of, and no longer envy her.

Wow, this is heavy stuff. I feel like a wrung out rag. This is better than therapy =)
Luv,
Laura
Personal transformation takes a long time and a lot of work.

PS... the scale is not cooperating with me. Up 1 lb this morning. I had to white knuckle some will power not to eat everything in the house, and set myself to rights during my bath while reading *Thin for Life.* But I'm still discouraged, even though I KNOW it's a mental thing. I am praying my heel is okay today on my run in my new shoes, or I'm going to be really discouraged.

I would be interested to know what you girls experience is with losing weight to a weight you had been at for a long time and getting stuck there. For example, I weighed 200 before I got pregnant last year and had been 200 for a year or so. Now that I'm at 200 again, the scale isn't moving down. It's not been long enough for an official plateau (20 days ago I weighed 201, and that's my weight today). But still, it's 20 days w/o a net loss. Just wondering what you all think... Thanks for letting me vent!
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Jun 28, 2006 12:11 PM PDT
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Jun 28, 2006 1:41 PM PDT


What has made me angry? This woman above is making excuses for a mother's acquiescence to an apparent pedophile linking up with her TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD. Pedophilia is a crime, and a serious one. And to say that a mother just didn't know any better at the tender age of THIRTY is ... just ... well, ... mind-boggleing, for beginners.

Oh, and her therapist suggesting that her mother was just doing the best she knew how to do! That therapist should lose his/her license for suggesting such a thing.

12 years of age. TWELVE!!!!!!!!

The only thing I could think to do about my fury and hurt was to delete my post, without having saved it in any form. Very sorry about that. Should have saved it. Why delete it? Oh, because I was so hurt by that response and was trying to protect myself from more pain. Most understandable, in retrospect.

My god. Twelve. And she allows this "mother" to take her own very small children out for the day. Yeah, she sure is going to have problems with those girls as they grow up. This kind of totally inappropriate behaviour being condoned if not encouraged by the adults may have been going on in that family for who knows how many generations. Lawd have mercy!