the path of least resistance

As in

What if, instead of blindly asserting our ‘right’ to ‘choose’ the patriarchal sexbot model, we (and by ‘we’ I mean all the roller girls, amateur pole dancers, blow jobbists, and other ’sex-positive feminists’ I’ve managed to encrabulate over the past year or two) examined what it is, exactly, we’re supposedly choosing?

I assert that we’re choosing the path of least resistance. It’s much easier to acquiesce to a set of established conventions—social, aesthetic, political, sexual, sartorial—for which the rewards (dudely approval, other women’s satisfying jealousy) dangle brightly ahead, than it is to blaze forth in a fury of white-hot anti-feminine iconoclasm and risk ridicule, ostracism, and male reproach. Life’s rich pageant is much more accessible when you go with the flow. Patriarchy, as the Spice Girls and Paris Hilton can attest, rewards conformity. Which is why the new feminism must be sex-ay, and why the only freedom it promises is the freedom to enjoy the degradation.

Well, an awful lot of women/girls really are choosing the path of least resistance. They think it will get them something they want. What they do not understand is that whatever you do in order to obtain something, that you must keep on doing in order to hold onto whatever it is you think you've gained.

If you use how you look to git yersel' a hubby/job/house/car(s)/fur coat/whatever, then you will lose those things, every single one of them, as soon as how you look changes. And you know, girls, keeping up all that botoxing and surgery and whatever else becomes mighty tiresome after a while. Not to mention that stiletto heels just kill your feet and back. And forget running in them.

Me? What do I do? Oh, and how about that massive collection of perfume, more than I most likely could wear in the 25 or so years I've got left in this body? Never mind the lipstick collection.

Well, hon, it's like this. I wear those things, and other things besides (pearls, anyone?), purely for my own sweet pleasure. If it does not please me to wear that stuff, then I do not. I've been known to go for months and months without any of it. One morning I wake up just tired to the bone of it all and decide to stop for a while. To the great consternation and confusion of everyone around me, men and women. Then one morning I wake feeling like, ... mmmmm ... I wanna wear that Chanel #22 today. With my deep, saturated coral lipstick. And my fav cashmere sweater -- where'd it go? Think I'll put some lovely soft red polish on my toes. Yes.

It's all about me. Pleasing myself. A concept that is as foreign as could be to just about everyone I've ever met. People, you see, just do not know what they want. They think they want what they see on tv. Or in the movies. Magazines. Or on the street. But, mostly, tv is the source.

I do not own a television, never have. Oh, yes, my family of origin had one, but I didn't have much say in what was watched, so I never grew too attached to the boob tube. Boy, am I glad. After twenty-five years of not watching teebee, my mind is mostly free of suggestions harmful to my mental and financial health.

As for dressing a certain way to express one's female sexuality. Well, kids. All any woman needs to do is put on clothes. Any clothes will do. I swear to whatever gods I swear to that a chador is about as counter-effective as can be if the object is to hide a woman's sexuality. Fer pity's sake! Who else but a woman wears such things. Don't they just advertise that there's something here, something that needs to be hidden away because it's sooooooo powerful and sexy and ... and ...

Yeah. Not that you'll ever catch me in one. But, you get my point.





Oh. About patriarchy rewarding conformity? Well, so does matriarchy. And all the other -archies. You want the bennies of being part of the tribe/social group/family/nation/community/etc., then you'd better conform to the norm. Or get gone.

Go read Jon Carroll at SFGate.com. That's an order!

JON CARROLL
- Jon Carroll
Friday, April 8, 2005

The following is the first communique from a group calling itself Unitarian Jihad. It was sent to me at The Chronicle via an anonymous spam remailer. I have no idea whether other news organizations have received this communique, and, if so, why they have not chosen to print it. Perhaps they fear starting a panic. I feel strongly that the truth, no matter how alarming, trivial or disgusting, must always be told. I am pleased to report that the words below are at least not disgusting:

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.

Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic! Citizens declare themselves "relatively unafraid" of threats of undeclared rationality. People can still go to France, terrorist leader says.
Michael row the boat ashore, and then get some of the local kids to pull the boat onto the dock, and come visit with jcarroll@sfchronicle.com.

Page E - 18
URL: http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL

©2006 San Francisco Chronicle

Not Good News (Influenza A/H5N1)

[I copied the post below from NYTimes.com, July 3, 2006; but it's really from AP. Just sayin')

July 2, 2006
Avian Flu Tends to Kill Youths as in 1918 Wave, Study Finds

By DONALD G. McNEIL Jr.
Avian flu tends to kill younger people, much as the 1918 Spanish flu epidemic did, the World Health Organization said Friday as it released an analysis of more than 200 cases.

Deaths from the disease surged in the winter for the last three years, the report said, so a rise in fatal cases can be expected late this year even if the virus does not mutate into a form more easily transmitted.

Moreover, the report warned, the risk of the virus becoming more transmissible remains high "because of the widespread distribution of the H5N1 virus in poultry and the continued exposure of humans."

The median age of victims with confirmed cases was 20 years, the report said. The highest death rate — 73 percent — was among patients ages 10 to 19, while the overall fatality rate was 56 percent. This pattern has been noted before, but the new analysis takes in more cases; the typical age is drifting downward.

A high death rate among young adults echoes the pattern found in the 1918-1919 epidemic, said Dr. Michael T. Osterholm, director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota. Scientists contend that year's H1N1 virus was also an avian flu that mutated until it spread easily among humans; although it was fatal to only about 2 percent of those who caught it, that was enough to kill between 40 million and 100 million people worldwide.

When the second wave of the Spanish flu struck Boston in the fall of 1918, Dr. Osterholm said, the flu death rate among people ages 18 to 30, which had been about 30 per 100,000 people in previous years, soared to 5,700 per 100,000. (The figure was for civilians in Boston, he said, so it was not confounded by the high numbers of deaths in troop ships or trenches in Europe.)

The annual flu, by contrast, tends to kill the very young and the very old, often from secondary bacterial pneumonia.

In the Asian and Middle Eastern countries where the disease is most pervasive, people of all ages are exposed to chickens, but 90 percent of the cases have been in people under 40, so something in young adults must make them more susceptible.

Unpublished W.H.O. data from blood sampling around recent outbreaks, Dr. Osterholm noted, shows that few people carry antibodies to the virus, so there is not a huge pool of survivors of mild avian flu.

Evidence suggests that many young people in 1918 and quite a few in this outbreak are killed by a "cytokine storm" — the body's own immune reaction, which floods the lungs with fluid. Young adults generally have strong immune systems.

The W.H.O. is tracking changes in the virus, trying to predict if it will mutate into a more infectious form and hoping to build vaccines against it in time to head off a pandemic.

Fatalities from the virus have almost tripled this year compared with last year. Indonesia, with 39 deaths, is close to surpassing Vietnam as the hardest-hit country with 42. Vietnam has not had a human death or poultry outbreak this year.

The typical avian flu victim is sick enough to be hospitalized four days after falling ill, and dies five days later, the report said. People over 50 have the lowest death rate, but it is still 18 percent, which is a huge impact compared with seasonal flu.

"The more we see what H5N1 is doing, the less we know about what's really happening with it," Dr. Osterholm said.


Copyright 2006 The New York Times Company

Health stats

Today I weigh 245 lbs.

BMI: 37.something or other

Height: 5ft, 8 1/2 inches.
Bust: 50in.
Waist: 49in.
Hips: 52in.

I had to take those measurements several times, because I kept "forgetting" (blocking out would be a better term) the numbers before writing them down.

I have never, ever, been this fat before in my life. No wonder I no longer have any appetite for foods other than veggies, fruits and seafood. Not even chocolate tempts me these days.

Unfortunately it is now too hot outside for my walk in the park. Per weatherunderground: Heat Index: 95 °F / 35 °C. I don't go walking much of anywhere or do much of anything when the temps reach that high. My body won't stand for it, and will shut down. Or threaten to.

So. This afternoon I can get some of the laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away. Maybe all of it. Then perhaps to WholeFoods for the whole chicken (for stock) and a few cans of white beans. (Yes, I know dried beans are supposed to be somehow better tasting, etc., but I can never get them to cook up right. So I used the canned. So sue me already. Geez)

Something I wrote elsewhere

Me:
Okay. I'm going to ask this question because, well, ... why not. It's a good one:

If y'all are so over your anger or working through it and well on the way to being "forgiving" people, (whatever that means), then how come y'all are still stuffing your faces with food gauranteed to wreck your bodies? Where, exactly, does that impulse to self-destruction come from, hmm?

Mark Twain: Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

past your anger, my sweet patootie.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm taking myself and my anger out for a walk in that lovely, half-wild park nearby. While we still have it.


And I'm not going to delete this one, though the owner of the blog did not like it, to say the least.

Dear LaQuinn:

Such hostility in your post. You've hurt people with it, really unsheathed your dagger & plunged.

This blog is a safe place to write about anything & get responses or not, but to know someone breathed in your words & your day's feelings.

It's a blog where many women have stopped stuffing their faces, or WANT to.

Few of us have claimed to have forgiven everyone we've been hurt by. Most of us are actively trying to do so, are actively trying to heal ourselves, & to do so without food, or WITH food & a hope that it won't always be by eating.

Forgiveness, healing -- they take practice. Like an actress with a role in another language. She starts mouthing the words &, over time, the words become hers.

Then, too, if you read closely, we are specific about what in ourselves has healed & whom we've forgiven. I bruise easily -- any bump will do. Some of my bruises have faded, some are great purple spots, some are purple AND sore, some have healed.

Your question puts us all at risk by its vituperativeness. It diminishes our freedom of speech. & yet I & others have read it, thought about it, & wish you well on your semi-wilderness walk.

fmk

Am I wrong to be tired of all this? Yeah, I know the question was much more bluntly worded than anything those women would ever think to say to themselves, but ...

Is there no value at all in keeping it real? Hasn't anyone figured out yet that bandaids won't do when surgery is required? That actress is only ever acting that role. The words are those of the playwright's, not hers.

Betcha the blog's author and a number of the other posters go on some binges this weekend, the blame for which they lay at my doorstep. Can't possibly be anything to do with them! It never is.

And that bit about diminishing their freedom of speech! Dear God. She really doesn't know from restrictions on freedom of speech, if she thinks my post was an example of such.

Note to self: Keep your distance from addicts, fer pete's sake! You know how they are!

we are all having a hard time

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Mon, Mar 10 2003 11:27 am
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we are all disappointed that our lives are not the way we have been told
they should be.
we try to make them that way, but our methods fail. and sometimes our
methods make things worse.

we become angry and frustrated and go looking around for someone to blame,
maybe ourselves, maybe our kids, our parents, our neighbors, someone,
anyone.

we come in here and we let loose.

well, its better than taking our frustrations out on the kids, the pets, the
local beat cop, the cashier at the grocery store, our bosses, our employees,
...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

maybe what we need to understand first and foremost is that much of what
we've been told about how our lives should be is just a fairytale, a
daydream. no one's life is like that. we could be perfect in every way and
our lives could still be filled with just one tragedy after another.

i need more coffee.

Erminia

The snarling pitbulls of asdf [reposted for erminia]

The snarling pitbulls of asdf [reposted for erminia]
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From: el coyote viejo - view profile
Date: Tues, Feb 11 2003 12:37 am
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- Hide quoted text -

phili...@mindspring.com wrote:
> On Mon, 10 Feb 2003 22:54:18 -0500, phili...@mindspring.com wrote:
>>On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 03:55:34 GMT, erminia
>>wrote:

>>>

>>>no, Philippa, I've got it right.

>>>

> You know, Claudia is right about my intent, but she saw it from the
> wrong angle.

> I do feel threatened by erminia and her party-dress analogy. When I
> was in junior high, it was a pretty little girl with a closet full of
> pretty dresses who made my life a living hell. She harassed me
> verbally, making up the taunts and cruel nicknames that haunted me on
> into high school. One day in the hall, she walked up to me, tore four
> strips of skin off the back of my hand with her pretty fingernails,
> and told me I was too ugly to live.

> My mother was a "girly" woman too, and she told me the same thing, in
> different and less violent but no less damaging ways.

> None of which has fuck-all to do with erminia, really. But when she
> accused me of wanting to be one of those girls, it cut, and it cut
> deeply, and I guess I haven't yet let it go.

> It took me 20 years to accept the truth that I would always be too
> tall, always have feet and hands too big to be considered feminine,
> never be pretty no matter how many clothes or shoes I bought, or how
> much makeup or jewelry I wore. It took me longer than that to reach
> the point where I can live with my looks, and accept that my husband
> finds me beautiful even though I'm no conventional beauty by the
> farthest stretch of the imagination.

> I don't intend to take 20 years to let this go.


I'm sorry phillipa.
--
-=ecv=-

Reply



From: erminia - view profile
Date: Tues, Feb 11 2003 12:52 am
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in article 8mug4v01kjlrsrn0vt8utanv7vjbfll...@4ax.com,
phili...@mindspring.com at phili...@mindspring.com wrote on 2/10/03 11:24
PM:
- Hide quoted text -

> On Mon, 10 Feb 2003 22:54:18 -0500, phili...@mindspring.com wrote:
>> On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 03:55:34 GMT, erminia
>> wrote:

>>>

>>> no, Philippa, I've got it right.

>>>

> You know, Claudia is right about my intent, but she saw it from the
> wrong angle.

> I do feel threatened by erminia and her party-dress analogy. When I
> was in junior high, it was a pretty little girl with a closet full of
> pretty dresses who made my life a living hell. She harassed me
> verbally, making up the taunts and cruel nicknames that haunted me on
> into high school. One day in the hall, she walked up to me, tore four
> strips of skin off the back of my hand with her pretty fingernails,
> and told me I was too ugly to live.

> My mother was a "girly" woman too, and she told me the same thing, in
> different and less violent but no less damaging ways.

> None of which has fuck-all to do with erminia, really. But when she
> accused me of wanting to be one of those girls, it cut, and it cut
> deeply, and I guess I haven't yet let it go.

> It took me 20 years to accept the truth that I would always be too
> tall, always have feet and hands too big to be considered feminine,
> never be pretty no matter how many clothes or shoes I bought, or how
> much makeup or jewelry I wore. It took me longer than that to reach
> the point where I can live with my looks, and accept that my husband
> finds me beautiful even though I'm no conventional beauty by the
> farthest stretch of the imagination.

> I don't intend to take 20 years to let this go.


yeah, i read this, Miss Philippa.
maybe you should read mine.

hey! and did you have a nasty stubborn case of ezcema all up and down both
yur forearems and around both your ankles all year 'round every year of your
life from age two (or was it three?) up to about age eighteen? I still have
the scars they left. really impresses the docs.

and did your mother still haul you in to the immunization office to try to
get them to give you the smallpox vaccine ANYWAY, every single year until
they stopped vaccinating people? even though every fucking year they all
but said to her "it will kill your daughter if we vaccinate her for
smallpox" as it had been well-known would happen for, oh, a few decades by
then.

don't try to get into a competition with me about who had the worse
childhood. i can trump you every motherfucking time.

it is what we do with ourselves AFTER our parents/guardians are through with
us that matters.

and i've done a damned good job with myself.

Erminia
(who really likes the sounds of her guardian angels applauding.)

Reply



From: Tracy Barber - view profile
Date: Tues, Feb 11 2003 1:06 am
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On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 04:52:06 GMT, erminia
wrote:
< healthy snip >

>it is what we do with ourselves AFTER our parents/guardians are through with
>us that matters.

This is what I was mentioning to some nephews and nieces at a wedding
for yet another nephew. Growing up for them wasn't so nice at times.
Very few people around them to make it "glow".
"Whatever happened in the past, well, it's the past. You can choose
to be miserable, mean and resentful if you want to. You're all old
enough to move on and make something of yourselves. That was then,
this is now."

Some of them have moved on, into a new life and are making something
of themselves. This is good to see!

My mom got more abuse than us kids. We had to rough it out and fend
for ourselves at times, but it could've been a lot worse.

I look at it real simply - When I'm dwelling on my past, I'm pissing
on my present and crapping on my future.

Tracy Barber

A flame war

The snarling pitbulls of asdf
« Older Messages 26 - 50 of 50 in topic - view as tree

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Mon, Feb 10 2003 10:44 pm
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in article 0vng4v8ctvr5gmid150q2rdoc33mpk0...@4ax.com, BoingBoingBoing! at
her...@whereverlifeleads.com wrote on 2/10/03 9:33 PM:
- Hide quoted text -

> On Mon, 10 Feb 2003 21:17:27 -0500, phili...@mindspring.com wrote:
> ->I'm not sure why I'm bothering with this, but here goes: Heather and I
> ->were talking about an incident that happened here several months ago
> ->in which another member of the group characterized both of us as
> ->having been the kind of ultra-popular, rich little girls who had a
> ->closet full of pretty party dresses and lorded it over the less
> ->fortunate. This characterization could not have been further from the
> ->truth, for either of us.
> ->
> ->What I longed for in those long-ago days was simply to be unnoticed;
> ->being popular was beyond my wildest imaginings. My childhood was far
> ->worse than I've described here.
> ->
> ->I have my own happiness. It doesn't involve makeup or pretty dresses
> ->or perfume, but that's my choice. I'm more of a blue-jeans and
> ->work-shirt type of woman. If ultra-femininity makes someone else
> ->happy, I certainly don't begrudge them their choices, as I would hope
> ->they don't begrudge me my choices.
> ->
> ->If your dislike of me goes beyond this one thread, by all means tell
> ->me how you feel.

> I was totally wrong. My apologies.

> I thought you two were making fun of Erminia.


um. they _are_ making fun of me. because a few months ago i dared to point
to them that they are behaving NOW as those nasty little girls did THEN.
and they don't NOW have the excuse of being small children who really don't
know any better.
it's always interesting to see what people think was missing from their
childhood that's so important they need to acquire it in adulthood.

now, if you'll excuse me, i have a cashmere sweater that needs attention.

- Hide quoted text -

> I had a closet full of pretty dresses. I wasn't rich or popular, I
> was my mother's abusable, wildly unpopular dress-up doll. Been
> wearing girl-jock clothes ever since 'cause they're _me_. I
> understand, Philippa.
> I'm drunk but I'm not inhuman. Sorry.

> --
> bow down before the one you serve
> you're gonna get what you deserve

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%



From: erminia - view profile
Date: Mon, Feb 10 2003 11:54 pm
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in article 7vog4v4ns5sd52660t38ru2vls81fu9...@4ax.com, BoingBoingBoing! at
her...@whereverlifeleads.com wrote on 2/10/03 9:51 PM:
> On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 02:44:16 GMT, erminia
> wrote:
> ->um. they _are_ making fun of me. because a few months ago i dared to point
> ->to them that they are behaving NOW as those nasty little girls did THEN.
> ->and they don't NOW have the excuse of being small children who really don't
> ->know any better.

> I'm too fucked-up to tell the difference. If anyone was making fun of
> you, I don't like it. I think Philippa's story is sad and sucks, too.


all the stories are just so goddamned sad. and what some people do with
their lives afterwards is even sadder. i know it's hard, but we don't have
to pick up where our own parents or guardians left off.
> ->it's always interesting to see what people think was missing from their
> ->childhood that's so important they need to acquire it in adulthood.
> I had every goddamn material thing I wanted in childhood, on a
> hard-working but abusive single mother's salary. Look at me now!
> Didn't mean much, eh? I would have traded the fancy toys and clothes,
> later the car keys and insurance cards, for a scrap of human affection
> and respect.



i didn't get either one from my mother. but i know what you mean.

hey? are you still maybe trying to do that? trade all the stuff for
affection and respect? no, that's not what i want to say. but surely
there's a link there between having all the stuff while being told you don't
deserve what matters -- love and respect -- and not having either now. are
you still trying to throw all the stuff back at your messed-up mom?

sorry, i can't help analyzing your situation. i love jigsaw puzzles, too.

> ->now, if you'll excuse me, i have a cashmere sweater that needs attention.
> Matching lipstick? :)


well, um, no. it's medium gray. gray lipstick is not my style. but a
nice, deep coral does well with it. and red!
Erminia

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Mon, Feb 10 2003 11:55 pm
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in article fkpg4v894gsa6cpdndi866bf7kun4ib...@4ax.com,
phili...@mindspring.com at phili...@mindspring.com wrote on 2/10/03 9:58 PM:
- Hide quoted text -

> On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 02:44:16 GMT, erminia
> wrote:
>> in article 0vng4v8ctvr5gmid150q2rdoc33mpk0...@4ax.com, BoingBoingBoing! at
>> her...@whereverlifeleads.com wrote on 2/10/03 9:33 PM:

>>> On Mon, 10 Feb 2003 21:17:27 -0500, phili...@mindspring.com wrote:

>>> ->I'm not sure why I'm bothering with this, but here goes: Heather and I
>>> ->were talking about an incident that happened here several months ago
>>> ->in which another member of the group characterized both of us as
>>> ->having been the kind of ultra-popular, rich little girls who had a
>>> ->closet full of pretty party dresses and lorded it over the less
>>> ->fortunate. This characterization could not have been further from the
>>> ->truth, for either of us.
>>> ->
>>> ->What I longed for in those long-ago days was simply to be unnoticed;
>>> ->being popular was beyond my wildest imaginings. My childhood was far
>>> ->worse than I've described here.
>>> ->
>>> ->I have my own happiness. It doesn't involve makeup or pretty dresses
>>> ->or perfume, but that's my choice. I'm more of a blue-jeans and
>>> ->work-shirt type of woman. If ultra-femininity makes someone else
>>> ->happy, I certainly don't begrudge them their choices, as I would hope
>>> ->they don't begrudge me my choices.
>>> ->
>>> ->If your dislike of me goes beyond this one thread, by all means tell
>>> ->me how you feel.

>>> I was totally wrong. My apologies.

>>> I thought you two were making fun of Erminia.

>> um. they _are_ making fun of me. because a few months ago i dared to point
>> to them that they are behaving NOW as those nasty little girls did THEN.
>> and they don't NOW have the excuse of being small children who really don't
>> know any better.

> You've got it wrong, but that's your prerogative.



no, Philippa, I've got it right.



- Hide quoted text -

>> it's always interesting to see what people think was missing from their
>> childhood that's so important they need to acquire it in adulthood.
>> now, if you'll excuse me, i have a cashmere sweater that needs attention.

>>> I had a closet full of pretty dresses. I wasn't rich or popular, I
>>> was my mother's abusable, wildly unpopular dress-up doll. Been
>>> wearing girl-jock clothes ever since 'cause they're _me_. I
>>> understand, Philippa.

>>> I'm drunk but I'm not inhuman. Sorry.

>>> --
>>> bow down before the one you serve
>>> you're gonna get what you deserve

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The snarling pitbulls of asdf

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Tues, Feb 11 2003 12:20 am
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in article aNZ1a.40762$7_.173...@news1.mts.net, Heather at s...@menot.com
wrote on 2/10/03 10:08 PM:
> In article ,
> erminia wrote:
>> it's always interesting to see what people think was missing from their
>> childhood that's so important they need to acquire it in adulthood.

>> now, if you'll excuse me, i have a cashmere sweater that needs attention.

> Oh, the irony.


okay, Miss Heather.
In the winter of my twelfth year to say I was inadequately dressed for te
cold would be something of an understatement. to go outside, I had a thin,
worn out "quilted" jacket with a hood that no longer fit over my head, thin
and transparent plastic boots designed for warm spring days, a nylon or
acrylic square scarf to wrap around my head, knee socks under short skirts,
unlined vynal gloves. At that time we girls still were not allowed to wear
jeans or trousers to school. That year it snowed. that year the early
morning temps never got above mid-twenties (farenheit). and it was
seven-eighths of a mile walk to school. (no, not up hill. that was next
year, at a different school.) a walk at about 7am.

i made that fucking walk every fucking day, including when i was sick
because (s)mother didn't think i should miss a day of school.

all the teachers noticed and no one, not one, said a goddamned thing to my
parents.

(yes, the rest of my family were properly dressed for winter. and spring
and summer and fall.)

all the previous winters were just as bad for me. and all the winters after
until i was in college and buying clothes at the military surplus places.
and goodwill. etc.

you BET i have cashmere sweaters now. and lambswool. and LOTS of them.
and four, count 'em FOUR, pairs of boots adeqaute for snowy winters. plus
serious shoes. have lost count of the gloves -- wool, acrylic, CASHMERE
LINED leather gloves, thinsulate lined gloves. Hats? Yeah, those, too.
long underwear, even. huge wool and cashmere and silk scarves.
winter-weight tights.

and really good coats! duffle coats, leather, long, sweeping black wool.

damn straight!

i will not ever have pneumonia again, not if i can help it.

Erminia
(warm at last.)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The snarling pitbulls of asdf

From: Tracy Barber - view profile
Date: Tues, Feb 11 2003 12:31 am
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On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 04:20:52 GMT, erminia
wrote:
- Hide quoted text -

>in article aNZ1a.40762$7_.173...@news1.mts.net, Heather at s...@menot.com
>wrote on 2/10/03 10:08 PM:
>> In article ,
>> erminia wrote:

>>> it's always interesting to see what people think was missing from their
>>> childhood that's so important they need to acquire it in adulthood.

>>> now, if you'll excuse me, i have a cashmere sweater that needs attention.

>> Oh, the irony.

>okay, Miss Heather.

>In the winter of my twelfth year to say I was inadequately dressed for te
>cold would be something of an understatement. to go outside, I had a thin,
>worn out "quilted" jacket with a hood that no longer fit over my head, thin
>and transparent plastic boots designed for warm spring days, a nylon or
>acrylic square scarf to wrap around my head, knee socks under short skirts,
>unlined vynal gloves. At that time we girls still were not allowed to wear
>jeans or trousers to school. That year it snowed. that year the early
>morning temps never got above mid-twenties (farenheit). and it was
>seven-eighths of a mile walk to school. (no, not up hill. that was next
>year, at a different school.) a walk at about 7am.

>i made that fucking walk every fucking day, including when i was sick
>because (s)mother didn't think i should miss a day of school.

>all the teachers noticed and no one, not one, said a goddamned thing to my
>parents.

>(yes, the rest of my family were properly dressed for winter. and spring
>and summer and fall.)

>all the previous winters were just as bad for me. and all the winters after
>until i was in college and buying clothes at the military surplus places.
>and goodwill. etc.

>you BET i have cashmere sweaters now. and lambswool. and LOTS of them.
>and four, count 'em FOUR, pairs of boots adeqaute for snowy winters. plus
>serious shoes. have lost count of the gloves -- wool, acrylic, CASHMERE
>LINED leather gloves, thinsulate lined gloves. Hats? Yeah, those, too.
>long underwear, even. huge wool and cashmere and silk scarves.
>winter-weight tights.

>and really good coats! duffle coats, leather, long, sweeping black wool.

>damn straight!

>i will not ever have pneumonia again, not if i can help it.


There ya go. A lot of us didn't have "silver spoons" as children. I
remember some times that weren't sooo great. My mom did what she
could because "Dad" was a drinker.
And yes, it is great to get nice things when we can afford them!

Tracy Barber

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Tues, Feb 11 2003 12:33 am
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in article ohsg4vo9dt14c1mrpjq53bbouoe1t8q...@4ax.com,
phili...@mindspring.com at phili...@mindspring.com wrote on 2/10/03 10:53
PM:
- Hide quoted text -

> On Mon, 10 Feb 2003 22:42:36 -0500, Nina
> wrote:
>> On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 02:44:16 GMT, erminia
>> wrote:

>>> it's always interesting to see what people think was missing from their
>>> childhood that's so important they need to acquire it in adulthood.

>> Taking it out of the context of whatever it is that people are arguing
>> about at the moment... I just thought this was a really interesting
>> thought.

>> My sister, who in most ways is extremely fucked up, used to say, "it's
>> never too late to have a happy childhood", and I always liked that.

>> But I think that the truth of the matter is that in a lot of ways, we
>> are seeking the things that we lacked... or that we thought we lacked,
>> which is not always the same thing.

>> Some of those things are material, most not.

>> For me... attention, I suppose. Being taken seriously and having
>> people act like I matter. Someone being aware of what's going on with
>> me, and seeing enough to try to help. Love that isn't conditioned on
>> perfection or appearance. Love that won't be taken away if I
>> displease. Peace.

> You know, Claudia is right about my intent, but she saw it from the
> wrong angle.

> I do feel threatened by erminia and her party-dress analogy. When I
> was in junior high, it was a pretty little girl with a closet full of
> pretty dresses who made my life a living hell. She harassed me
> verbally, making up the taunts and cruel nicknames that haunted me on
> into high school. One day in the hall, she walked up to me, tore four
> strips of skin off the back of my hand with her pretty fingernails,
> and told me I was too ugly to live.

> My mother was a "girly" woman too, and she told me the same thing, in
> different and less violent but no less damaging ways.

> None of which has fuck-all to do with erminia, really. But when she
> accused me of wanting to be one of those girls, it cut, and it cut
> deeply, and I guess I haven't yet let it go.

> It took me 20 years to accept the truth that I would always be too
> tall, always have feet and hands too big to be considered feminine,
> never be pretty no matter how many clothes or shoes I bought, or how
> much makeup or jewelry I wore. It took me longer than that to reach
> the point where I can live with my looks, and accept that my husband
> finds me beautiful even though I'm no conventional beauty by the
> farthest stretch of the imagination.

> I don't intend to take 20 years to let this go.


yeah, okay. i've read this.
i know _all_ about "pretty" little girls who like to make other little
girls' lives hell.

but i didn't internalize their values. i made a concious decision to not
become like them. (yeah, at the tender age of ten, after reading a bio of a
scary person who hadn't made such a decision.)

you and your ASD/F pals are doing to others what was done to you. you have
become the monster you thought you were fighting, just like Nietzsche
warned.

Erminia

###################################################################

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Tues, Feb 11 2003 1:50 am
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in article ib3h4vgg8l234vafq6tu3kifqgpcq2t...@4ax.com,
phili...@mindspring.com at phili...@mindspring.com wrote on 2/11/03 12:43
AM:
> On Tue, 11 Feb 2003 04:33:25 GMT, erminia
> wrote:
>> you and your ASD/F pals are doing to others what was done to you. you have
>> become the monster you thought you were fighting, just like Nietzsche
>> warned.

> Thanks for helping me to feel like shit, erminina.


You're welcome!


Erminia

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Grovel Johnson/Michael/Barcode, I really miss you!

From: Erminia - view profile
Date: Tues, Jul 17 2001 1:03 pm
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in article 08p7ltog4r19uek867eetkif99hp4hc...@4ax.com, Grovel Johnson at
groveljohn...@ukonline.co.ukANTISPAM wrote on 7/17/01 2:08 AM:
- Hide quoted text -

> On Tue, 17 Jul 2001 02:26:43 -0400, "Curly" wrote:
>> As somebody who spent two months in full-time outpatient treatment for
>> clinical depression and self-defeating behavior, years of one-on-one
>> psychotherapy in combination with various anti-depressants, and additional
>> years spent in various 12-step self-help programs, I have to admit that I
>> don't have the foggiest idea what half of you people are blathering about.

> I fumbled the top button of my jim-jams through the frayed loop,
> lifted the well fingered collar and pulled down the worn brim of my
> pooh bear bobble hat in an attempt to protect my face from the biting
> north easterly wind that funnelled in-between the deserted posts and
> vacant spamlets that was alt.support.depression. To the left of me
> trying to make their way home is a bunch of girls obviously worse for
> wear. Those kitties just don't get it, you can't hit the perfume and
> chocolate threads like that and not expect to pay the price, the human
> body can't take it. To the right of me leaning against a post about
> single blend whiskey are a few revellers sleeping off a heavy nights
> thinking. Those cats will never learn that alcohol and philosophy just
> don't mix. You've never seen Aristotle and Plato stagger home from the
> Ouzoree Taverna arm-in-arm mumbling "yesh are moi besht mate" like
> these oiks. The silence here is deafening at times, solitary voices
> scream somewhere in the distant night, but are gone before day breaks.
> Oh well, bran flakes and coffee awaits.


:)
Raymond Chandler lives!

cornflakes with lotsa blueberries and cold milk, o.j., coffee, scrambled
eggs. mmmmmmmm

There's a price for perfume and chocolate? I'm wearing Narcisse Noir
(Caron) right now. Smells like orange blossom and lemon and rose and
jasmine with sandalwood and musk and civet underneath them all. mmmm Very
pre-WWI. Art-nouveau. Gustave Klimt. Vienna at midnight. Wonderful.

Okay, I'm an addict. :)

Erminia

Bruce was very wise. I wonder what happened to him.

From: Bruce - view profile
Date: Sun, Jan 20 2002 8:35 pm
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"RGB" wrote in message

news:juD28.134266$sh6.10110@news.easynews.com...
> altamir...@yahoo.com wrote:
> ... and then you go do the thing, and, amazingly enough, you wind up
> feeling better and being glad you did it.

If you think performing a task, any task, will have any lasting effect on a
person suffering from clinical depression, then you've missed the entire
point of clinical depression.
Clinical depression usually cause a serious mood disorder. As such, the
emotions and moods aren't functioning as you would expect or predict.
They're broken. The things we normally would find joy in doing, provide no
joy at all. In fact, that's one of the questions on a depression test,
whether you're depressed even when doing things that would normally make you
feel good.

Their moods can't be more than momentarily improved, because the mood
controls are busted. If you try to apply the rules of normal behavior to
those suffering from this illness, you will never understand it.

Telling a depressed person to feel better, is like telling you to ignore the
pain of a fire.

Bruce.

My life before Zoloft

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Sun, Jan 20 2002 3:26 pm
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in article a2f3c6$10o0p...@ID-66050.news.dfncis.de, Luna at
jean_coll...@hotmail.com wrote on 1/20/02 1:45 PM:
> wrote in message
> news:3c4af7ee_2@omega.dimensional.com...
>> Chimera wrote:
>> : On 20 Jan 2002 06:16:00 -0700, altamir...@yahoo.com wrote:

>> : ->: > wonder
>> : ->: if people forget I'm as subject to severe depression as everyone
> else
>> : ->: here>
>> : ->
>> : ->I hate that you underestimate us.

>> : Underestimate you? What is this supposed to mean?

>> I would think that in a group of depressives most would know better
>> than to tell you to get up and do something about it.

> Better to lie down and do nothing...

> Better to have your helplessness and frozen inability to do anything about
> your situation encouraged by people who tell you that things will change
> "when you're ready". Of course, god only knows when that magical shift will
> occur.

> Infantalizing people who are depressed by telling them they can't change
> because of their depression is fucked up. If you are desperately lonely and
> can't tolerate it anymore, either you act to change that, or you accept it
> and watch the years slide by while you cry yourself to sleep in whatever
> anonymous box you call home

> That's just the way it is. Depression is dangerous, the people who die are
> the people who give up, who stop trying to make things better. The people
> who don't die are the ones who don't give up. Could it be that simple? I
> believe it is.

> Hey, everyone has bad days. Everyone has bad weeks. When it's happening
> for months, for years - no. I liken it to drinking - after a while, the
> reason becomes irrelevant, the fact is, you're drunk, and if you don't stop
> the behaviour, your circumstances simply will not change.

> I know, this is sacrilege, this goes against the rules posted by the
> entrance in the Temple of the Doomed Depressoid. The rules suck.

> jean


I agree with Jean, but I also agree with Chimera and AltaMira.
When my depression is very bad it is all I can do to get out of bed and eat
and shower. Usually I just eat something and go back to bed. This can go
on for days, as we all know.

Then one day I wake up feeling like I can shower and eat and get dressed
properly and go out and see a movie or to a museum or ... and I actually
_do_ all these things.

And who knows why? The sunlight is a little different that day? I had the
right number of vegetables for dinner the previous night? Wierd brain
chemistry? I'm not taking meds, so we can rule them out.

Yeah, one has to get moving. I live alone; there's no one to take care of
me, so I have to do it myself. Maybe my subconcious kicks my butt a little
after a certain period and that gets me going again.

After years of living with depression, I know that certain actions will
jump-start me. Sometimes I'm able to do those actions *before* the
depression gets too bad. Sometimes the rest of Life intervenes, and I can't
help myself in time. So I suffer for a while, until something changes.

I think it is okay to tell me that I need to get moving, but not in such a
way that I will hear that advice as also telling me that I am a lazy idiot
for allowing myself to get in this situation in the first place. And maybe
that negative association is what is bothering AltaMira and Chimera as well.

What I tell myself is "You *have* to do this, you *have* to take care of
yourself, you *have* to get moving, because if you don't then you will die,
and that would be a shame because the world will be that little bit poorer
for your death, and the world doesn't need anymore such losses right now."

(How's *that* for a run-on sentence!)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I really am going to go shower (with this lovely
soap I just bought) and eat something. :)

Maybe I'll wear Narcisse Noir today. It goes well with winter.

Erminia

lipstick, perfume, pearls, cashmere

lipstick, perfume, pearls, cashmere
Messages 1 - 25 of 68 in topic - view as tree Newer »

From: Erminia - view profile
Date: Sun, Jul 15 2001 4:42 pm
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Lipstick, perfume, pearls, cashmere.
From the time I was very, very small, these things have had an amazing hold
on me. Like when I was two or three!

so, I've given in.

I now have more cashmere sweaters than I could possibly wear out. I have to
remind myself of this from time to time, now that the prices have come down.
Even so, I see a new color and *must* have it! I wil go without books for a
fabulous cashmere sweater! that's how bad i am.

I now have more perfume than most women could imagine. It is quite a
collection. Not as extensive as the collections of other women on this
other list I belong to. but certainly more than my own mother ever had.

(she didn't have any cashmere sweaters either.)

Pearls. pearls do something to me. i once wandered in to a bead shop in
D.C. Big mistake! they had the most marvelous shapes of pearls! I bought
some. i haven't done anything with them yet. so far, it is enough to take
them out and look at them.

Lipstick. ohhhh. this is the only cosmetic i wear regularly. Several years
ago i discovered that the right color lipstick wil brighten up my whole face
in a way that very little else will. (The right strand of pearls maybe?)
Gawd, lipstick is sexy! Everything about it -- the way the tube swivels up
and down, the colors, the effect on one's face, the act of putting it on.
Have you ever seen what happens when a woman puts it on in public, in a
restaurant, say? all the men watch. they can't help it, poor things!
Lipstick is symbol of power of a very special kind. Only a fully grown
woman can wear it properly; on young girls it just looks odd -- like
theatre make-up. A woman needs to be very comfortable with her own
sexuality before she's able to carry off real lipstick, not lipgloss or any
of that other gunk.

[yeah, the ivillage quizzes got me thinking.]

Ermina

More from alt.support.depression.flame

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Sun, Aug 19 2001 11:24 pm
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in article 2c40otoshoau11j2uplcrdne42pb3ol...@4ax.com, Janithor at
janit...@pacbell.net wrote on 8/19/01 1:23 PM:
- Hide quoted text -

> On Sun, 19 Aug 2001 15:44:33 GMT, erminia
> wrote:
>> I remember that from school -- the people who earned their place on the
>> totem pole by attacking people like me. It was so obvious what they were
>> doing, I never really took them seriously. Which only made them madder.
>> Once, in eighth grade, some girl threaten to push me down the stairs. In
>> front of some other girls. She was really loud about it. I just looked at
>> her. Kept looking at her until she and her friends went away. From then on
>> I always acted as though she and her friends did not exist. Because what
>> they want really is attention, everybody looking at them.

> Ignoring them didn't help me at all. It just egged them on. But
> sometimes I think, maybe it was because I wasn't *really* ignoring
> them. I used to be extremely hyper-focused on how people were
> reacting to me. I did this as clandestinely as possible, making very
> good use of peripheral vision. I'm thinking now that my behavior was
> probably not normal because of this, and this may have cued them in
> that something was wrong with me, that I was extremely uptight.
> Which, of course, makes me an ideal target of opportunity. Actually,
> probably my whole body language worked against me: quiet, not
> friendly, not open, tense, insecure, everything, really.

> ______________________________
> x-no-archive is in the headers


Yeah, body language can send all kinds of messages that you may not want to
send. And people always get those messages, though maybe not conciously.
At the time of the incident I related above, my body language had started
changing. Some family members say that I developed a particularly lethal
glare at about this time. The reality was that I was standing right on the
brink of becoming a truely nasty piece of work. The constant mental and
emotional abuse of my childhood was adding up to something vicious.

Fortunately for the rest of the world out there, I used to read a lot of
history and biography. Looking for people who'd been through similar
difficulties. Found them. Was not thrilled by what they let their
childhoods turn them into. Decided to find another way. But kept the
attitude and the glare.

It's quite a balancing act, it really is. Keeping the attitude and the
glare without turning into another monster. Gawd, it would be soooo easy to
just slip over the edge.

Erminia

Reply



From: erminia - view profile
Date: Mon, Aug 20 2001 11:28 pm
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in article a6s1otsk526g7eof92u4eq35tfdviqj...@4ax.com, Janithor at
janit...@pacbell.net wrote on 8/20/01 5:37 AM:
- Hide quoted text -

> On Mon, 20 Aug 2001 03:24:13 GMT, erminia
> wrote:
>> Yeah, body language can send all kinds of messages that you may not want to
>> send. And people always get those messages, though maybe not conciously.

>> At the time of the incident I related above, my body language had started
>> changing. Some family members say that I developed a particularly lethal
>> glare at about this time. The reality was that I was standing right on the
>> brink of becoming a truely nasty piece of work. The constant mental and
>> emotional abuse of my childhood was adding up to something vicious.

>> Fortunately for the rest of the world out there, I used to read a lot of
>> history and biography. Looking for people who'd been through similar
>> difficulties. Found them. Was not thrilled by what they let their
>> childhoods turn them into. Decided to find another way. But kept the
>> attitude and the glare.

>> It's quite a balancing act, it really is. Keeping the attitude and the
>> glare without turning into another monster. Gawd, it would be soooo easy to
>> just slip over the edge.

> Interesting. What happened to you, and who did you read about that
> had a similiar situation as you?


My mother found out when I was still a toddler that so long as she did not
hit me or otherwise cause physical damage, she could use whatever other
abusive methods she wanted. Dad wasn't around enough to see what was
happening. The Army kept sending him away, sometimes for a year at a time.
(Dad had an "interesting" career.) At the same time my parents literally
spoiled my brother and sister rotten. They were both raised to believe that
they should have whatever they wanted just because they want it, never mind
who they hurt in the process. (I am continually amazed that neither of them
has turned to crime. Well, they haven't yet.) It was my role to be the bad
child -- worthless, lazy, shiftless, useless, a shame to the family, a
continual source of disappoint to her parents, etc. And I was not allowed
out of that role, no matter what I did.
Oh, and I wasn't allowed to have friends of any kind either, child or adult,
because mother didn't "want anyone to influence me." Her words.
Socialization has been a problem.

I turned 44 this year, and my family still has me in that role.

In the fifth grade the school library suddenly got a lot of new books. One
of them was a bio of Josef Stalin. That made me sit up and pay attention.
An awful lot of the people who get write-ups in the history books have had
difficult or worse childhoods. And if you want me to list all of them, I'm
sorry but I don't think I could. Any of the Valois Kings of France. The
Tudors, especially Henry VII and his granddaughter Elizabeth I. But Stalin
kinda stands out there.

It did take a few years before I could find a balance between doormat and
monster. I read as much history as the librarians would let me, then turned
to psychology. (I still regard Freud with a certain amount of fondness,
despite the silliness of his theory about women and penis envy. Hey, he
gave us all something to laugh about!) In college I earned a B.A. in
History, largely because I find the history books more useful in explaining
people and what they do than the works of sociology or psychology.

Yeah, i could ramble on some more, but this is probably more than you wanted
to know in the first place.

> I developed an angry, silent glare too. It both helped and hurt me.
> It really served it's purpose initially. Cynicism helped protect me
> immensely from my own pathos and stupidity. But in the long run, it
> still hurt me. It's pretty f'd up. It was something I had to go
> through and then had to get out of.

But you need to remember that boys and girls fight differently. Or, at
least, they did back in the 60s and 70s where I lived. The girls were more
verbal, the boys more willing to hit. (I still think that chick who
threatened to push me down the stairs frightened herself more than me.) I
managed to avoid cynicsm, but became *very* skeptical of everything around
me. That has it's hazards too. No, I haven't let go of the skepticism, but
then I live in D.C. :)
> I could easily have turned into a monster. Every day I am thankful
> that I did not choose that path.
> ______________________________
> x-no-archive is in the headers


I figure if I accomplish nothing else in my life, at least I have succeeded
in keeping myself from turning into something horrible. People don't
understand what a stuggle that is, or how very brave and stubborn you have
to be to succeed.
Kudos to both of us.

Erminia

Veal, Sausage and Lima Bean Stew

Veal, Sausage and Lima Bean Stew
1lb. dried lima beans (or 1 pkg. frozen)
2tablespoons vegetable oil ( I like canola)
1 lb. veal stew meat, in 1-inch chunks
1 lb. sweet Italian sausage, cut into 1inch pieces
2 large onions, peeled and diced small
2 tablespoons minced garlic 9 yes, you read that correctly - 2 whole
tablespoons minced garlic. And don't use the garlic press. Mince it with a
knife)
1 cup chickhen broth
1 cup canned diced tomates with juice
2 cups of the very driest, most mineraly white wine you can find

1. Soak dried beans overnight. Drain and place in a saucepan, and cover
with 2 inches of water. Simmer, partly covered, for 1 hour. Drain, and set
aside. (Or, if you are lazy like me, thaw one pkg. of frozen beans. or
don't even thaw it.)

2. In a deep Dutch oven or other heavy pot, heat vegetable oil over
medium-high heat until very hot but not smoking. Dry veal, and sprinkle
with salt and pepper. (I skip the salt and pepper.) Add veal and sausage
to pot in a single layer, cooking in batches to avoid crowding, and brown on
all sides, about 4 to 5 minutes total, removing pieces to a platter as they
are done.

3. Pour off all but 2 tablespoons of fat from pan. Add onions, and sauté
until transparent, about 7 to 9 minutes. Add 2 tablespoons garlic, and
sauté 1 minute. Return meat to pot, and add beans, stock, tomatoes, and
wine. Bring to a low boil, then reduce heat and skim any film off the top.
Cover, and simmer VERY gently until beans and meat are tender, about 1 to 2
hours.

Greens to Go with Stew
2 tablespoons garlic, minced
3tablespoons olive oil
1 pound spinach, Swiss chard, beet greens or young kale, trimmed washed well
and dried
1 half lemon

When stew is very close to done, cook greens: in a very large sauté pan,
heat olive oil over medium-high heat. Add remaining garlic, adn cook,
stirring, for 10 seconds. Add greens, and sauté, stirring vigorously, until
wilted, about 1 minute more. Remove from heat, squeeze lemon over greens
and toss to coat. Season to taste with salt and pepper.

Spoon stew into bowls, top with equal portions of greens and serve hot.

Enjoy!

erminia

This made me angry.

After posting a long (perhaps too long) comment on Frances Kuffel's blog regarding how I survived my childhood, and how I feel about it, this was the response I recieved:


Laura Nicholson
What I find most amazing about your story, Frances, is that you came out of that ungodly environment "only" addicted to food. I don't mean to say that food addiction isn't serious, just to say that so many people in that type of situation become molestors or drug addicts or whores or criminals. Or dead. It's certainly a twisted logic to think the food saved you, but it did. And that you have had success in your varied careers, in weight loss, in recovering from relapse, in building this community, in friendships, in being a supportive and loving daughter to your parents even to this day, I think testifies to your core strength. Where do we get that strength from? I'd like to think it's from God, from His gifts to us that we aren't even aware of until we desperately need them. But honestly, there are days I don't know where we get the strength to carry through and overcome our pasts. Some days there is no strength and I go back to the familiar comforter, food.

LaQuinn, I agree with you that our childhoods shape us in ways we have no control over. And parents that should have known better have tainted many many kids' lives. This issue is one I struggle with, as I've mentioned before about my parents letting me date a guy 6 years older than me when I was 12. The thing is, my mom was THIRTY - 3 0 - when I was 12. When she was the age I am now (36), I was graduating high school. She had met my dad at age 14. She was (is) emotionally immature and didn't know any better, and did the best she could. That was a revalation to me at one of my recent terapist visits. She did the best she could.

And at this point she went off on how she's a forgiving person as I am not, yadda, yadda, yadda. I wish I had thought to copy it before she deleted that section. Oh, well.

What frightens me is that *I* am going to mess up my kids in ways I have no idea, because I don't know what I don't know, and they will have to spend years in therapy like I have/am. No matter how many parenting books I read, I know I'm going to miss something. It's not even hard yet, they're still babies. My daughter is Miss Drama at age 5... what am I going to do with her at 16?! Love her like crazy, I guess, and stay in her business and not treat her like she is an adult who can take care of herself, like I was allowed to do. And I know that she will have a core strength that will overcome whatever I do to her to screw her up. (Do non-dysfunctional families exist??????)

Vickie, I love the way you are raising your kids. You sound like a wonderful parent. And the great thing is, I bet your kids agree with me.

Andrea K, I can identify with you turning out differently than your sister. Mine is 2 1/2 years younger and completely different from me. I love her, and we are friends now, but she just does not have the same level of introspection that I do. I envy that some times. And then I realize that she's missing out on life at levels she has no idea of, and no longer envy her.

Wow, this is heavy stuff. I feel like a wrung out rag. This is better than therapy =)
Luv,
Laura
Personal transformation takes a long time and a lot of work.

PS... the scale is not cooperating with me. Up 1 lb this morning. I had to white knuckle some will power not to eat everything in the house, and set myself to rights during my bath while reading *Thin for Life.* But I'm still discouraged, even though I KNOW it's a mental thing. I am praying my heel is okay today on my run in my new shoes, or I'm going to be really discouraged.

I would be interested to know what you girls experience is with losing weight to a weight you had been at for a long time and getting stuck there. For example, I weighed 200 before I got pregnant last year and had been 200 for a year or so. Now that I'm at 200 again, the scale isn't moving down. It's not been long enough for an official plateau (20 days ago I weighed 201, and that's my weight today). But still, it's 20 days w/o a net loss. Just wondering what you all think... Thanks for letting me vent!
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Jun 28, 2006 12:11 PM PDT
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Jun 28, 2006 1:41 PM PDT


What has made me angry? This woman above is making excuses for a mother's acquiescence to an apparent pedophile linking up with her TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD. Pedophilia is a crime, and a serious one. And to say that a mother just didn't know any better at the tender age of THIRTY is ... just ... well, ... mind-boggleing, for beginners.

Oh, and her therapist suggesting that her mother was just doing the best she knew how to do! That therapist should lose his/her license for suggesting such a thing.

12 years of age. TWELVE!!!!!!!!

The only thing I could think to do about my fury and hurt was to delete my post, without having saved it in any form. Very sorry about that. Should have saved it. Why delete it? Oh, because I was so hurt by that response and was trying to protect myself from more pain. Most understandable, in retrospect.

My god. Twelve. And she allows this "mother" to take her own very small children out for the day. Yeah, she sure is going to have problems with those girls as they grow up. This kind of totally inappropriate behaviour being condoned if not encouraged by the adults may have been going on in that family for who knows how many generations. Lawd have mercy!

Random thoughts

There is nothing good about the month of January. never has been, never will be.

Random thoughts

Those way too expensive copper-clad pots? The ones coming out of France, made by Mauviel, I think? They are great for simmering anything. Anything that needs to be slow cooked, cooked at a low temp for a while, like rice -- this is the type of pot you need.

Better even than All-Clad. And I (heart) my All-Clad pots. :)

What this blog is really about

Um.

Well ...

It's about my attempts to create a life I can bear to live.

That's all really. One would think that's quite enough, considering what's going on in the world today. After all, the current administration occupying our White House has some very distrubing similarities to the fascists who took control of Japan and Germany and Italy back in the last century. I've got a BA in History; I know whereof I speak.

This blog is not about politics. There are plenty of poliblogs out there; this is not one of them.

I have depression.

I have Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I have Dyslexia and mild ADD.

Oh, and I am currently just a few pounds shy of becoming morbidly obese.

(Hmm. Maybe "depression" should be "Depression.")

Those are the primary issues in my personal life. Those are the ones I will be addressing here.