My life before Zoloft

From: erminia - view profile
Date: Sun, Jan 20 2002 3:26 pm
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in article a2f3c6$10o0p...@ID-66050.news.dfncis.de, Luna at
jean_coll...@hotmail.com wrote on 1/20/02 1:45 PM:
> wrote in message
> news:3c4af7ee_2@omega.dimensional.com...
>> Chimera wrote:
>> : On 20 Jan 2002 06:16:00 -0700, altamir...@yahoo.com wrote:

>> : ->: > wonder
>> : ->: if people forget I'm as subject to severe depression as everyone
> else
>> : ->: here>
>> : ->
>> : ->I hate that you underestimate us.

>> : Underestimate you? What is this supposed to mean?

>> I would think that in a group of depressives most would know better
>> than to tell you to get up and do something about it.

> Better to lie down and do nothing...

> Better to have your helplessness and frozen inability to do anything about
> your situation encouraged by people who tell you that things will change
> "when you're ready". Of course, god only knows when that magical shift will
> occur.

> Infantalizing people who are depressed by telling them they can't change
> because of their depression is fucked up. If you are desperately lonely and
> can't tolerate it anymore, either you act to change that, or you accept it
> and watch the years slide by while you cry yourself to sleep in whatever
> anonymous box you call home

> That's just the way it is. Depression is dangerous, the people who die are
> the people who give up, who stop trying to make things better. The people
> who don't die are the ones who don't give up. Could it be that simple? I
> believe it is.

> Hey, everyone has bad days. Everyone has bad weeks. When it's happening
> for months, for years - no. I liken it to drinking - after a while, the
> reason becomes irrelevant, the fact is, you're drunk, and if you don't stop
> the behaviour, your circumstances simply will not change.

> I know, this is sacrilege, this goes against the rules posted by the
> entrance in the Temple of the Doomed Depressoid. The rules suck.

> jean


I agree with Jean, but I also agree with Chimera and AltaMira.
When my depression is very bad it is all I can do to get out of bed and eat
and shower. Usually I just eat something and go back to bed. This can go
on for days, as we all know.

Then one day I wake up feeling like I can shower and eat and get dressed
properly and go out and see a movie or to a museum or ... and I actually
_do_ all these things.

And who knows why? The sunlight is a little different that day? I had the
right number of vegetables for dinner the previous night? Wierd brain
chemistry? I'm not taking meds, so we can rule them out.

Yeah, one has to get moving. I live alone; there's no one to take care of
me, so I have to do it myself. Maybe my subconcious kicks my butt a little
after a certain period and that gets me going again.

After years of living with depression, I know that certain actions will
jump-start me. Sometimes I'm able to do those actions *before* the
depression gets too bad. Sometimes the rest of Life intervenes, and I can't
help myself in time. So I suffer for a while, until something changes.

I think it is okay to tell me that I need to get moving, but not in such a
way that I will hear that advice as also telling me that I am a lazy idiot
for allowing myself to get in this situation in the first place. And maybe
that negative association is what is bothering AltaMira and Chimera as well.

What I tell myself is "You *have* to do this, you *have* to take care of
yourself, you *have* to get moving, because if you don't then you will die,
and that would be a shame because the world will be that little bit poorer
for your death, and the world doesn't need anymore such losses right now."

(How's *that* for a run-on sentence!)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I really am going to go shower (with this lovely
soap I just bought) and eat something. :)

Maybe I'll wear Narcisse Noir today. It goes well with winter.

Erminia